What's Bryson Watching: Batman v Superman

By Bryson Beach

Haha! I’m back! Baltimore Bob hasn’t given me the pink slip after my first mess of an entry!  Boy, did he create a monster.  Before I start, I just want to toot my own horn (“If you don’t put yourself over, no one will”).  This past Thursday at Great Flood Brewing, a fine establishment located on 2120 Bardstown Rd in Louisville, my trivia team dominated and reigned victorious in Seinfeld theme night.  I’d like to say this was all my doing, but one of my teammates in particular knew everything.  You win as a team fortunately, so go me! [Editor's Note: Bryson currently holding the Shameless Plug Belt].

Now, back to business.  Sticking with the comic book/superhero theme this week as I returned back to my hometown {for Easter} to watch Batman vs Superman.  When the title was first announced however long ago, I was excited.  Very excited.  I actually enjoyed Man of Steel, and Batman is one of my favorite heroes (a list with Luke Cage, Gambit, and Black Panther amongst others).  [REDACTED, Editors Note: WOAH Bryson! This is a family friendly blog! I will relay to the readers that your excitement lowered upon hearing of the casting of Ben Affleck and Jesse Eisenberg.]

Despite what I assumed were questionable casting decisions, I remained optimistic.  Then the critical reviews came.  Lawd have mercy.  The movie must have been brutal, terrible, atrocious, and any other negative adjective known to man!  I went from 100 to 0 real quick (Sorry, Drizzy).  My previous optimism was only restored Friday morning when a co-worker raved about his opening night experience and got me feeling as a giddy as an adolescent getting their first kiss.  Before I knew it, it was seven o’clock on Easter Eve and I had a cold Icee (still waiting Leslie!) in my hand, ready to take it in.

Some spoilers after this point! Proceed with caution! [Editor's Note: I'm going to hold off on reading/editing the rest of this one until I see the movie. I hereby acquit myself of any responsibility if Bryson says something offensive or racist, or endorses Trump on behalf of the blog. Proceed with caution indeed!]

I’m still working on an exact science and format on how to do these, so please be patient with your boy.  We’ll see how the feedback goes with this trial.  I enjoyed this film and I am completely baffled by the negative reviews from critics.  Is there an agenda?  Did the director rub someone the wrong way?  I’m not saying this film is on the pedestal the Dark Knight or First Avengers film should be on, but it does not belong anywhere near the comedy hall that Final Four or the Green Lantern have been relegated to.

Now, as I hinted the film had its imperfections.  Something that bothered me out of the gates of this tremendously long (2 ½ hours!) film was the way it jumped around early on.  I understand Mr. Snyder was trying to build towards something greater but we get 5 minutes with a tormented Bruce Wayne here, a second with Lex there, then 7 with Lois Lane.  I could follow what was going on, but I felt some things could have been consolidated a bit better.  That’s not being a nit-pickier either.

The jumping around from many short scenes was likely done to cram as much in as possible.  After an email conversation with Baltimore Bob and crabicurious correspondent Zack Hubbard, it dawned on me that the director really had to throw the kitchen sink at the movie.  The audience, hell, the world, is familiar with Batman and his story, and Man of Steel re-introduced us to Clark Kent’s rise, but I doubt everyone is as well-versed in Aquaman, The Flash, Cyborg, or even Wonder Woman’s story.  The director also had the task of building up Lex Luthor as he was absent from Man of Steel.  I’ve read criticisms of the movie critical of making the movie feel like it was just a big vehicle to establish the future justice league project.  I think that’s lazy writing.  We did get a glimpse at our future team, but it was done as a complement to the film’s plot.  Unfortunately, I doubt someone less aware (the majority) of the DCU than myself may have felt lost at some points.

When you think of Jesse Eisenberg do you think of Zombie land or The Social Network?  I couldn’t shake these images from my head going in, but I tried my damnest to give him a fair shake.  After watching the movie, I have to say he did an excellent job as the intelligent, quirky, psychotic genius bad guy.  He was believable this role and quite the foil to the serious tone of the movie.  BUT, this isn’t the correct depiction of Lex Luthor.  In all other media I’ve read or watched, I’ve known Lex to be a lot more calculating, reserved, conniving, and dare I say regal. Lex Luthor has also been known to be a pretty in athletically build guy physically.  I am not the one who needs to call anyone out on their physique (I’m just more to love if we’re being honest), but maybe I am calling out the casting directors.  If I didn’t know any better, it felt like Eisenberg was directed to be Joker-lite.  It bothered me the entire time, and I couldn’t let go of it.  A villain by any other name would have been sweeeeeeeet.

Eisenberg’s performance may have been confusing, but I have to eat my words on another performance.   Batfleck was dope!  Playing the grizzled veteran Bruce Wayne/Bat of Gotham provoked thoughts of Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns incarnation.  Also, the Bostonian definitely worked to get in tip top shape for the role.  His mannerisms, facial expressions, and illusion of reality were all on fleek! (Wait, kids aren’t saying that anymore, right?).

Batman works and flourishes in the dark setting DC is known for.  I felt like the dark tones of the cinematography and storyline were perfect.  We have a world that cannot reach a consensus on Superman anymore, despair, destruction, and see our heroes humanized through self-doubt, mirages, and Dark Knightmares (see what I did there?).  There was subtle humor when needed, but it stayed rather serious, which fit perfectly.

The conclusion of the movie gave me chills.  [My excitement returned] when Gal Gadot (aka bae) join The World’s Finest in the final battle against Doomsday.  The music was epic, the fighting was enthralling, and the ending was fitting, if not predictable.  It should be no surprise, but all of the fighting was superb.  The scene in which Batman takes on the goons holding Martha Kent hostage made me want to replay the Arkham trilogy as he showed the savagery and martial arts skill needed to accomplish his goal was fantastic.  The fight we get between the two main characters was even better.  It gets a bravo from me, even if some of the writing and psychology behind Lex’s plan was a little broken.

The acting was very solid, even if the directive was misguided in Luthor’s case.  The movie was dark as it should have been, and we got a glimpse at so much more from the DC Cinematic Universe.  Could Brainiac or Darksied be on the way?  Will we get the Flashpoint Paradox storyline?  Injustice: Gods Among Us? Possibilities are set in place.  The cramming and Lex Luthor mistake aside, this was a very good movie that did more than enough to set the tone for what will be DC’s own universe.  The company is usually undefeated in their animated features dating back to Batman: Mask of Phantasm, but now it appears they’re back on the right track with feature films (The Dark Knight trilogy not withstanding)

3 out of 4 Crabs!

Looking for more from Bryson? Check out his review of Daredevil Season 2! 

Looking for more from the Louisville Beat? Check out Zack Hubbard's post on The Power of Communal Watching

What's Bryson Watching: Daredevil Season Two

By Bryson Beach, Key Crabicurious Contributor, TV and Movie beat

(ThaBeach88 on Snapchat, PSN, Xbox Live, IG, and Twitter.  Gotta put myself over, because no one else will!)

What’s good, people?  This is my first entry for the awesome blog, and I wouldn’t be a gentleman if I didn’t first congratulate Baltimore Bob, Draper The Dog, and Lovely Leslie (even if you still owe me an icee </3 ) on the successful move to my birth state.  Let’s just hope none of the events of The Wire become reality in your new backyard! Joking, of course.

When Baltimore Bob asked me to hop on the Crabicurious train and contribute as a Louisville correspondent, I pounced on the opportunity.  When he asked me to review things (TV shows, video games, events, etc) I was super ecstatic.  Then came the time to actually write something and I was slightly panicked.  I love to write, but most of my writing these days is done within 140 characters or through crude texts.  I was not a journalism nor an English major, so I ask of you, my new and {hopefully) faithful audience, that you practice the virtue of patience with me.  Oh, and any misspelled words, comma splices, or run on sentences are Baltimore Bob’s fault for being a mediocre editor and enabler. [Editor's Note: My nickname in high school was Comma Splice...]

So as fate would have it, I just so happened to be off work on March 18th, the day that Daredevil season 2 was released on Netflix.  What a coincidence!  After sending my obligatory annoying Snapsterpiece (seen below) to pester and boast to my friends, I dove into episode one.

SPOILER ALERT. Proceed with caution. A minefield of information and flaming hot take is just ahead

So before it even started, the audience is re-introduced to the events of season one with a quick video package recapping everything.  If you haven’t watched the first season... what you’re doing with your life?  For real, what are you doing?

I’m not here to do a synopsis because I took in the season as a whole, but the first episode did exactly what it needed to do and set the tone for the new season.  Matthew and Foggy, fresh off helping put away Fisk, are booming with business.  Unfortunately, their clients aren’t exactly helping pay the bills.  Elsewhere, we witness a violent attack on the Irish Mob that would have been a fitting end to Frank Costello in the Departed.  If there was a doubt the series would fall short of its TV-MA rating, this dispelled any concerns.  In short time, we find out the man responsible for such a violent display is none other than Frank Castle aka The Punisher! 

If I don’t get fired after this subpar entry you’ll come to learn that I don’t watch too many television shows. [Editor's Note: Once again, welcome to our new and extremely qualified TV critic!] I’m a bit of a loser.  I missed the whole Breaking Bad phenomenon when it was on.  I would have missed it completely had the University of Louisville not choked in the 2014 Sweet Sixteen to some school in Lexington in what was the most devastating loss of my life.  I hid like the sore loser I am, turned off all connection to the world and binged the hell out of the series until it was done!  Back on topic now.  I don’t watch hits like Game of Thrones, The Walking Dead, Scandal, Big Bang Theory, etc.  I only catch CSI episodes because they’re on before Monday Night Raw (New Day Rocks).  What I am getting at is that according to a friend, actor Jon Bernthal was ‘his boy’ as Shane on TWD.  I didn’t have any prior experience with him as this character so I felt like I could observe his portrayal as Frank Miller’s antihero fairly.

I thought Mr. Bernthal did an apt job in his role.  He filled in the toughness, grit, and lack of remorse perfect for this role in my opinion.  The writing did not let him down as viewers not familiar with the character’s history (do NOT watch the 1980’s film adaptation with Ivan Drago!!!), were introduced to a man hell bent on revenge following the untimely deaths of his wife, son, and daughter.  With the help of dialogue and interaction with characters like the bae Karen, Matt (As ‘The Devil of Hell’s Kitchen'), and Fisk we find that the tormented Frank Castle is more than just a one dimensional character seeking vengeance.  He is as vulnerable as he is violent.

A big theme throughout the series is Matt’s struggle with the morality of being a superhero.  The attorney by day is constantly met with defining who he wants to be as a hero with powerful foils in The Punisher and the gorgeous (yet murderous) Elektra.  The ongoing dialogue and contradictory actions evokes thought in the viewer;  What is justice?  Is it helping law enforcement and bringing criminals to the court of law, or is it something more extreme and personal?  At one point, the titular character even concedes to doing things the Punisher’s way.  Luckily, for Mr. Murdock, the Punisher points out that you cannot simply lift your own self-imposed (I hate self-imposed things.  Thanks, President Ramsey) code because you cannot go back once you cross that threshold.

We also find Matt struggling to balance his professional life with his vigilantism.  It pained me to see his friendship with Foggy, aka Bash Brother Fulton Reed, deteriorate. While almost all the characters have well defined flaws and a grey area, I feel like Foggy is one of the good guys.  Unfortunately, he is abandoned, friendzoned, and is force to realize his self-worth.  I wish there was a bit more focus on him, but we did see some major development and with his new job, maybe he’ll meet one Jessica Jones sooner rather than later.

On the other end of the spectrum, not all televised superhero media shows the strain of the person outside the tights and cape.  We watch Matt struggle to keep a budding relationship with Karen while balancing responsibilities to the city.  Elektra didn’t help either and it’s my regret I’m not as familiar with her character to comment on her fairly.  I did find the actress, the French Elodie Yung, to be charming, perplexing, and enthralling at the same time.

The acting, sometimes chained down by cliché heroisms, was very solid all around, with Vincent D’Onofrio’s portrayal of the Kingpin once again standing out.  I damned near had to change my pants when Fisk came back on screen.  He’s sinister but eloquent, evil but noble, and there aren’t enough positive adjectives in my personal thesaurus to describe how immaculate the character is played. 

The series has its whole gang of characters on both sides. Our hero and his law firm crew, The Punisher, Elektra, Fisk, The Hand, Nobu, mangy ol’ Stick, Night Nurse Claire Temple, were amongst the seemingly infinite list.  With so many characters in prominent roles, there was constantly several story arcs and character developments happening at once.  This was good to an extent, but there became a bit of a log jam where I wasn’t sure if the series should just be called Daredevil.  I know Matt was overwhelmed balancing being an attorney, breaking down Elektra’s walls, slowing down the Punisher, keeping Karen safe, catching up with Rosario Dawson, using his enhanced senses to find a heartbeat, hiding his cuts, pretending to be completely blind during the day, and… yes I could go on. I’m not harboring for linear storylines, but maybe two or three themes at a time?

I finished the last episode last evening (March 20th, 2016), and after having time to collect my thoughts I really enjoyed the series.  The fight scenes delivered as always.  It’s not just the lead characters dominating henchmen without taking a punch before facing a jump in competition with the "boss"-like character.  Daredevil season 2 was dark, it was gritty, and really has me curious to where characters like Karen and Foggy will go on their new paths.  Not to beat a dead horse, but there was a little too much going on at once sometimes.  If only they had 20 episodes.  It was awesome, but slightly behind season one (seriously, the whole Kingpin characterization was off the charts).  I’d go watch immediately.

Crabicurious Rating: 3 ½ out of 4 crabs.  (hopefully Bob has a cool graphic?) [Editor's Note: Your wish is my command:]

60 Reasons to Walk Away Forever: The Oral History of the Worst Intermural Loss Ever

By Matthew Dennis, Crabicurious Guest Contributor

Allow me to begin this piece with a statement: I love basketball; playing, watching, whatever. However, I was once part of a devastating loss; a loss so egregious that it made me reconsider this conviction so totally, that I almost walked away from the game entirely.

I joined an intramural basketball team with some guys from my dorm floor in early February. We thought we were decent and could maybe even make it to round 2 of playoffs. The team consisted of Andrew, a great star player who can score from anywhere on the court at Small Forward (who happens to be a Kentucky fan but I managed to tolerate that fault of his), Pat, a quality Point Guard who can attack the basket off the dribble and set up good looks for teammates, Jake, a strong two guard who shoots threes with the mentality and skill of Retirement-Tour-Kobe, Richard, a decent center who can rebound well but is crippled by poor shot selection, Chris, an explosive scorer off the bench, and Hudson, an inspiring coach who showed up late every time but brought fire to the bench. Then there’s me, the versatile utility power forward with three-point range, the ideal small ball 4. I managed to get some quotes from these ballers about the beginning of the season:

Andrew: "I was pretty optimistic, I thought it would be fun and we could do something in the playoffs. That’s about all my expectations, they’re realistic enough."

Pat: "Yeah man, I was ready, I was pumped, until the first game when we went down 15 in the first half, but it always seemed like we could come back and win. There was always hope."

It’s true, the first game was tough. We lost by 20, but we weren’t completely out of it until about 3 or 4 minutes left in the second half. We lost the second game as well, it was a little closer, but still a blowout. The important thing is we felt like we improved. Sure the refs are all terrible, and the opponents are better than us, but our team was scrappy. We fought, and we felt like we could fight our way into the playoffs.

The two losses set up a decisive 3rd and final game of this marathon regular season. Win this and we’re going to the playoffs, lose and we’re going home.

Jake: "I thought we had a decent chance at winning. I felt like this team deserved the playoffs. We had improved over the course of the first two blowout losses and I really thought the team was coming together."

Richard: "I really thought we were going into this game mentally prepared. I had gotten a lot better, the team had gotten a lot better, and we were so ready. Do or die game, this was gonna be our moment."

Throughout the week the team was getting ready for the game. Getting mentally prepared and hyped up for our chance at immortality. That is, until everything fell apart. The star, Andrew, wasn’t able to make it to this final, and most important game of the season. He did not make himself available for comment for this section because the pain is still too much for him, even after all these weeks. The team had fractured, and everyone knew it.

Season on the Brink

This is it, the day of the game, the most important game of my basketball career. The team had clearly suffered a major morale hit from Andrew’s absence and it showed when only four players showed up, me (of course), Pat, Jake, and Richard. That was just embarrassing, we couldn’t even get a full squad to show up. Fortunately, Jake managed to talk a ref into playing. Unfortunately, anyone who knows the Loyola pickup scene knows that this guy is trash. He’s an unapologetic shot-jacker who couldn’t define the word ‘pass’ if he had a Webster’s Unabridged. 

Jak: "I reeally though this guy was good, he always said he could shoot."

Pat: "Oh yeah, everyone knew that guy who joined our team is awful, dude can’t shoot at all."

Richard: "Even though we were down some guys, I did still think we could win."

We entered that game with confidence nonetheless. Everyone thought we had a good chance if we played hard and made some shots. Gotta start off strong though.

First Half

The ref launched the ball up in the air and it was quickly swatted into the hands of the opposing point guard, the game had begun. Their team, as we quickly found out was one of the best in the field, it had several club team players on it and they had a major height advantage. They ripped off a quick 18-0 run that was only stopped when I nailed a three from the wing.

(Dramatization)

Pat: "I was about to give up on the game, then you swished that three and their lead didn’t look so bad. If you didn’t hit that, there would have been no chance."

The game evened up after that big run and they subbed in some guys that were more our skill level (below average). Our defense stiffened and the team responded well, so well that they only outscored us by five for the rest of the half. The "bad guys" took a 33-13 lead into the half. They were really handling us on the boards and we couldn’t get past their length.

Richard: "I tried my best to post up and grab some rebounds, but those guys just killed me in the paint, they were huge."

Halftime

At the half we looked at their 20-point lead and declared that we were a second half team and would mount a spirited comeback. The mental preparation had paid off and we didn’t give up, even against insurmountable odds. What would happen next? Would we cement our place Loyola intramural history or would we be forgotten forever?

Jake: "Sure, 20 points seems like a huge lead, but we thought we could get them."

Second Half

The second half started and we brought the ball up the floor. I had it at the top of the key, keeping my dribble up, scanning for good plays and open teammates like a true playmaker. Then, I felt the ball come loose from my control; it had been ripped away from behind, stolen. Two of the club players were running the floor and the ball handler threw it up off the backboard into the hands of his teammate flying through the air for an emphatic alley-oop dunk. The Dream came crashing down in an instant. Team morale was shattered, any confidence we had was lost.

Richard: "Seeing them dunk it like that, it just showed how they were on another level than we were."

Pat: "After that, if anyone thought we could win that game, they were fooling themselves. They dunked, that team actually dunked the ball off an alley-oop. It was insane."

That dunk set the tone for the rest of the half, we got outplayed. Badly. We managed to score a paltry 10 points while they went off for 50 points, most of them off of fast break scores and a few more dunks. It was terrifying. They destroyed us. The game was ended with 2 minutes left, by mercy rule. It wasn't enough to just lose the game; we ended up losing our dignity too. That guy who joined the team right before the game was abysmal, just jacking up threes, making only one the entire game, and never passing. It just made a horrible loss that much more painful.

Hudson: "It wasn’t supposed to end this way. We all felt like a Cinderella team. I know we could have won.. it’s just….. I can’t do this... I just wish I could have been there."

Aftermath

Losing that badly, the worst loss of my basketball career, was soul-crushing. 60 points??? And I gave up the game-altering dunk with my poor ball control. How can I take the court after something like that? 60 points... 60 reasons to walk away from the game forever. 

I took some time off, and really thought about my future as a basketball player. How do I come back from this loss? Should I retire? Am I even any good at all? These questions haunted me for days.

Then, one day my roommate invited me to play some pickup at the gym. What happened next was true redemption. I played one of my greatest games ever, I making threes, rebounding, getting post touches and turning them into points, passing in the inside-out game, and playing great D. it was incredible. I was back! I had recovered from that traumatic 60-point blowout.

Robert Rixman: "When Matt told me about the greatest beat down in American history, I looked him right in his tear filled eyes and said, 'Matt you didn’t lose, you just ran out of time.'"

You know what? He’s right. It’s not about the single game, it’s about the career. D-Wade won’t look back on his career and think about the lost season in 07-08, he’ll think about the numerous all-star selections and the three (and counting) championships. I shouldn’t be kept up at night thinking about one game, even if it was the worst I’ve ever played. I’ll play hundreds more and each time I’ll be a better player.

My convictions to the game of basketball had been tested, but I persevered and came back better than ever. Sure, there were 60 reasons to quit, but I only need one reason to keep playing: I love this game.