A Moveable Feast: One Day of Decadence in Baltimore by Meg Kennedy

By Meg Kennedy

1,210 Miles

49 Hours

5 Restaurants (Not Counting Arby’s)

3 States

4 Friends**

Ben and I left for our weekend in Baltimore, quite literally, as soon as possible—with Ben even showering at my office while I finished up the day’s work to cut down on time. After weeks of anticipation and an endlessly dragging week, we hopped into the car at 5:07pm on Friday afternoon to begin our journey from Crestwood, KY. You might be asking, “How long of a drive is that?” Well, I’ll tell you: it depends. Google Maps might tell you it takes approximately 9 hours. But they don’t take into account who’s driving (Ben), conditions (pitch black midnight in the hills of West Virginia), and speed (a casual 90 mph). Clocking in at 8 hours and 39 minutes, Ben would say we made good time. I would say those are years off my life I’ll never get back. Still, there were highlights during those dark hours between 9pm and 2am. Most notably:

My inexplicable decision to (1) eat Arby’s for dinner, and (2) forego any normal meal and order two sandwiches for dinner (Oh, look! They put nacho cheese all over my roast beef!).
Passing a biker gang of tubby white men, all sporting matching vests reading “Pagan’s [sic].” Also, Ben’s offhand comment, “What if I hit one of them?” Pause. “My parents would never find my body.”
My attempts to set an all-time record for not blinking, in an attempt to use my mind powers to prevent our imminent demise in a fiery crash and/or eventual eating by hill people.

Suffice it to say, the thought of being welcomed into the warm, clean rooms of Robert’s and Leslie’s home saw us through. And we were not disappointed upon arrival. I mean, not one but two Maryland-themed koozies for Benno? A pack of tampons for Meg, where each tampon is its own individual flask capable of holding a shot? These are people who get us.

After a warm reunion—and several handfuls of Old Bay potato chips—everyone got a bit of shuteye to prepare for the following day.

Ben and I came to Baltimore fully expecting to spend quality time with two of our very best friends, but knowing next to nothing about the city and having very little in the way of expectations for sightseeing. So what happened over the next day truly blew us away. Our friends took us on a thoughtfully curated crawl through the neighborhoods of Baltimore, with an eye for giving us a taste of the eclectic moods of the city and a willingness to answer all of our brash questions. If I was a praying person, I’d say we were #blessed.

The day began with reservations at Woodbury Kitchen, rife with hip flatbread and tiny cast iron skillets. The breakfast food was good, and the perspective on pre-noon cocktails was divine. With my breakfast I had a Whiskey Smash—fresh, not-too-sweet, with a sprig of rosemary. You know, for medicinal purposes.
We left the hip part of town and headed to the historic part. We wandered through the cobblestone streets through the day’s heat, hitting the main historical landmarks and spending a quality 20 minutes cooling off in the Walters Art Museum.
Back at Robert and Leslie’s luxurious pad, we cooled off and watched a couple episodes of Broad City to fortify ourselves for the evening ahead.
After a quick caffeine pit-stop, Robert and Leslie took us to one of their favorite old haunts, right across the street from their old apartment building in Fell’s Point. The Red Star gave me the most incredible crab dip I’ve ever put in my mouth, and for that, I thank them. I thank them also for their unpretentious ambience, extensive and creative signature cocktail selections, and The Colby (Citrus Vodka, Ginger Liqueur, Muddled Lemon and Cucumber…did I mention Vodka?).
We walked along the water the Robert McClintock gallery, somewhat because of The Wire and mostly because his colorful portraits of dogs were irresistible to two sets of fur parents.
Conveniently located across the street from the gallery is Penny Black, where we sat on the patio with a breeze off the water. There I had an orange crush and what I will affectionately call The World’s Best Crabcake. I was skeptical when they arrived at the table looking rather like drop biscuits, but they full of big chunks of crab meat with nary a breadcrumb in sight.
The World’s Best Crabcake was enough to tide me over as we walked to Inner Harbor, past two separate weddings overlooking the water, to Loch Bar. Beautiful piles of oysters, shining black and white tiles, bowties on the bartenders. We upped our classiness level here with a charcuterie board and a few Collingwood cocktails.
Somehow still feeling a bit peckish, we moved away from the water toward Fleet Street Kitchen for a farm-to-table experience. Again I was skeptical—coming from Louisville, a city renowned for its culinary scene and a stone’s throw from some of the richest farms in the country. I remained skeptical when the waiter brought out deep super-mod bowls with tiny dollops of food in the bottom. With one bite, the judgemental conga line in my head shut up hard. The hearty Mushroom Agnolotti and tender Lamb Ragu were delicious and completely satisfying. Not only that, but Kazem’s Mule blew me away with the fresh spiciness of its house ginger beer.
Our kind waitress from Fleet Street Kitchen pointed us toward Pier Six to walk down the canal to the music of the Avett Brothers.
Finally, we followed the water back to Fell’s Point while the last rays of the day died away. As the street lamps came on, the Wharf Rat welcomed us in with a casual neighborhood vibe and most excellent pizza, before sending us home with full bellies.

The drive to Kentucky the next morning, though in daylight, was a bit quieter, a bit shorter, and certainly a bit sadder. One bright spot: those of you who’ve driven with Ben know how glad I was when the classical music station mercifully moved out of broadcast range. We arrived in Shelbyville, KY, to pick up our fur children around 6pm, a mere 49 hours from leaving Kentucky, still missing our friends, but luckily not missing the latest episode of Game of Thrones.

Thanks again, Robert and Leslie! Those crabs are lucky to have you!

**Also 2.6 Billion Kleenexes personally used by yours truly, due to an unforeseen sinus infection which was graciously tolerated by Ben, Robert, Leslie, and the Entire Restaurant-Frequenting Population of Baltimore.